Mourning, grieving and releasing are paramount to our mental, emotional and spiritual health.
I had an acupuncture session yesterday - Shouyin, a sacred geometry grid that opens the channels between the kidneys the heart.
As I laid there focusing on my breath, slipping between my waking reality and that of my inner landscape I was greeted by a beautiful flow of energy that was interrupted by a wave of fear. Lingering underneath surfaced a thought, an emotion, a feeling, but all of it felt muddled.
I couldn't make sense of the layers presenting themselves to me until after my session. As I lay on the table, grounding back into my body, I felt a presence over my left shoulder and suddenly a thought - Lindsay.
Lindsay was a dear friend of mine that passed away twelve years ago. I felt her energy grab my hand and suddenly I remembered.
I remembered how much I love her, how hurt I was that she left, how her sister cried out at the heavens at her funeral - my heart broke, and how unprepared I was at twenty years old to properly grieve her death and put the pieces back together again.
Sometimes we are not able, willing, or ready to face the hurts of this life. Sometimes we numb instead, turning to whatever means necessary to take the edge off of our own mortality. Sometimes we don't see how someone's death can push into dark places within filled with anger, guilt and fear.
But sometimes, if we're brave enough, we can zoom out on life and begin to weave together how one life, even lost, was a true gift leading us towards transformation and growth.
I love you Lindsay, there isn't a day that goes by that my heart doesn't ache for you here, but my soul speaks ancient and I can feel your presence.
Thank you for being one of my teachers.