A few months ago, I received words, affirmations and support from women I admire.
I manifested an external response from an internal condition.
It was a sign of alignment.
I've spent the last few years healing, diving into my darkness, re-learning how to love myself and to truly step back into my power.
A few years ago I made a mistake and in doing so, I gave all of my power away to the person I had hurt out of total and complete shame.
Brenè Brown says that guilt is when we do something and feel bad for our behaviour; shame occurs as a result of feeling we are bad. There is no separation between the behaviour and the person.
I felt an immense amount of shame.
An entire group of women turned against me, some more subtlety than others but energetically my tribe started to choose sides.
It destroyed me.
I couldn't separate my actions and behaviour from who I was as a person and I quickly fell down the darkest hole of despair.
I still get triggered being around them because I am still healing.
But, it was one of the most powerful and transformational experiences of my life.
Through prayer, meditation and mantras I found the voice within that assured me that I was worthwhile amidst the mistake I had made --- one I owned up to and apologized for --- and that I had great lessons to learn from this experience.
My friends had abandoned me.
I felt bullied and abused and betrayed.
I began to believe that I wasn't worthy.
None of this was true.
I dug deep and I found my wounded child.
I found the murky corners of myself that I had abused, abandoned and betrayed --- it's no wonder I felt these exact feelings while going through this experience.
The truth is, I abandoned, abused and betrayed myself many years ago --- it happened quietly, subtly and even silently. It happens to us all.
It happens when we say yes, when we want to say no. It happens when we betray our boundaries.
Having healthy boundaries is the platform with which we launch self-love.
Self-love is the cornerstone for an abundant life.
An abundant life looks different for everyone.
For me, abundance looks like working alongside vulnerably powerful women who have a vision, women who take responsibility for their energy, their healing process and their lives.
For me, abundance looks like diving into our darkness, healing our wounds and learning not to fear our light. It's taking the wisdom from these dark experiences and transforming ourselves, and others, by being brave enough to communicate our truths with the world.
No matter how much others believe in us, love us, or tell us how wonderful we are, it fails to penetrate our hearts and souls until we believe it for ourselves.
If we want our external world to be filled with love, support and beauty we need to change our inner landscape to match that which we desire.
I assure you, we have all been through darkness. Every single one of us has faced our shadow at some point or another, and sometimes we fall and sometimes we rise.
This, my darlings, is our time.
Time to let go of the stories about ourselves that no longer serve us, time to believe in our birthright of worthiness, time to face our shadow and embrace our light, and time --- my dear ---to rise.