What I didn't Say

You laugh with a grin as you smugly remark, "you don't believe in the healing power of crystals do you?"  

 

I can feel myself contract faced with the moment to stand in my power and convey my truth or shrink back down to the size you think women ought to be. 

I expand as I say, "yes, I do." 

I try for a moment to justify my answer, to explain scientifically that all things are energy, and then I remember a sacred truth, "in my defenselessness my safety lies," so I say nothing as you continue to suck beer out of a bottle like a baby on a nipple and I wonder when you stopped believing in magic. 

I suppose it happened to you like it happened to me, and to everyone else for that matter --- a parent, a teacher, a friend who heard it from a parent, a teacher or a friend said it wasn't real, it doesn't exist. So now you think all the positive self-talk and vision boards, yoga and self-care, meditation and crystal wearing generation are a bunch of leprechauns chasing rainbows.  

I want to tell you that you believe in energy too. I want to say, 

"You believe in money, don't you!? That's energy!  I watch you chase it like a dog chases a cat, elusive and swift, around a yard and up a tree. 

You're at the bottom of that tree barking, bitching, complaining, gossiping as if it changes one goddamn thing about your life. Stop trusting that binary numbers in your account mean you have some form of power and control and freedom. Stop using money as an excuse whether or not you follow your dreams. Stop barfing your disbelief that's been spoon fed to you by a culture who's goal is to keep you enslaved. 

You think you're free? 

You wake up before you'd like, to the sound of a pulsing electromagnetic device and pull yourself out of a warm cozy bed just to crawl in long lines of traffic towards a job you despise where you can never make more money than your boss, or person at the top of this pyramid you call work where you either run out of money before you run out of month or you are a slave to time. You can't buy back the time you've lost with that house, or that car, or vacation or designer clothes. You know that right?"

I want to say this all to you but I don't, so I write it all down to release its power. 

I don't because I was there once too and I remember feeling so lost, counting numbers that had nothing to do with my self-worth, my purpose or the impact I'm going to have on this planet. 

I don't say this because I know the same is true for you and your worth and your impact but the journey of the awakened is not one we spoon feed our kin, you have to want it, to go within, to explore and question this life and embark on the hero or heroine's journey back home to Self, and then, maybe one day, you'll believe in the healing power of crystals too.